Identify and Understand Your Personal "Systems"

Have you ever felt stuck in a frustrating cycle, facing the same disappointing outcomes time and time again? In moments like these, it's easy to blame external factors. Yet, there is often a hidden reality, summed up in this quote by W. Edwards Deming: "Every system is perfectly designed to get the results it gets."

This quote is often applied in the business and management fields. However, it is a reflection we can also apply to our personal lives. Think about it: What are the results in your life that you aren’t particularly happy with right now? What outcomes keep repeating themselves over and over (and over)? What in your life is dragging you down or getting in your way?

Once you have collected your answers to those questions, it is time to ask another: What in your “system” keeps giving you these less-than-thrilling results? What is the upstream decision, behavior, thought pattern, or belief about yourself that keeps leading you to these same outcomes?

Here’s an example: perhaps you are kind-hearted but always seem to find yourself in toxic relationships. Despite good intentions, you repeatedly end up in relationships that leave you feeling drained. Even though you can recognize there are toxic patterns happening, you struggle to avoid them.

When you reflect on what is creating that result, you might realize the hitch in your “system:” you consistently prioritize others over your well-being because you want to avoid any conflict or rejection that may come with asserting boundaries. This system of people-pleasing and self-sacrifice opens the door for others to take advantage of you, perpetuating a dysfunctional cycle.

I invite you to reflect on your “systems” and then make changes that align with your values. Whether it's boundaries, self-care, or seeking support from loved ones or professionals, remember that you have the capability to redesign your system!